wearing my rainbow button

I don't know what to say, but I'll start by wearing my rainbow button. I can get that far today.

Special office LEDs compliments of the band thank you band/work family <3 <3

I'm having a hard time processing everything. One of my formative memories of identifying as LGBT was learning about Matthew Shepard's senseless murder. then learning about all the fear and violence, the endless tragic stories, the thousands of anti-gay laws, the alarming suicide rates. I thought, "this is what it means to be gay." it means defending kids in school, being defended; talking to kids about life being worth living, being talked to. seeing trivial moments as acts of exhausting courage ("coming out" over and over again, playing the pronoun game). slowly, over decades, staging protests, having hard conversations, fighting for equal rights under the law. and being aware there were a lot of people who might take my short hair, or my pronouns, or my Tie Friday, and choose to hurt me and feel justified.

it's jarring thinking back, and now seeing gun control, terrorism, and ISIS jumbled up together with all of this. I know these are stacks upon stacks of important conversations and it's all intersectional. it's just hard not see this as the latest in a long line of familiar violence.

I am in love with the arts. But in the wake of real-life violence like the Orlando shootings, there's difficulty and tenderness discussing fictional tragedy, made-up villains and staged violence of all kinds. There's no literal friendly actor behind the mask, to help be reassuring and find the good in things, to work through the conflict, the demons and monsters. It can feel overwhelming, and in a way, as if our practice has been dishonest when we feel unprepared. Real-life hurt is the test of all our teaching, I guess.

This is about where I'm at. Generation before me, you helped make my world a kinder, more just place to grow up. Younger folks, I was hoping to make the world perfect for you before you had to live in it. But we have some more work to do. And we need your help.